Heartbreak, Wishes and Goodbye Kisses...


Dealing with heartbreak is not easy but saying goodbye is even harder...
This week I had to do both.

I have always loved animals especially dogs- like most young children I too went through the phase of wanting to become a vet until I realise that the thought of putting an animal to sleep was just too much to handle (that and the fact I'd discovered science wasn't one of my strong points!).
So I grew out of wanting to become a vet, instead I had my heart set on having a dog of my own (this was something I most definitely didn't grow out of),
Months and years passed by of me begging my Dad to let me have a dog
(My Mum was also a dog lover so she was more then happy to have a dog)
But my Dad...
Trying to get my Dad to agree to having a dog was like trying to climb a mountain in stiletto's- virtually impossible.
Eventually my Dad gave in to my constant begging and said YES!
(At that moment in time I felt amazing like I had lost a penny and found £10)
Things moved pretty quickly once my Dad had said yes
(Partly because me and my Mum didn't want him to change his mind)
So we soon began looking for puppies in our area, making lists of everything we would need for our little puppy and we began thinking & debating over names too, it was a close call but 'Poppy' won it.
This time was very overwhelming but in the best possible way!
We'd found two litters of Labrador puppies so we decided to wait and visit whichever litter came first...
But how could I decide which puppy to take?!?
I remember the first time I saw our little darling Poppy- she was sat in a little hole in the wall and my heart literally melted- I just knew she was 'the one'.
Once we brought her home in 2009 it felt as if our family was complete- like she'd filled a hole that I didn't even know existed until we had her.
Months and years seemed to fly by, with every day that passed by our family bound with Poppy grew ever stronger- even my Dad loved Poppy to pieces.
Poppy was the most beautiful dog in every possible way- she was an adorable, monkey. She loved to run off with socks and slippers, help herself to 'Banoffee pie' and run along the beach. We always called Poppy a monkey but I know none of us would ever want Poppy any other way!
So life was great - I got the thing I'd always wanted, a dog.
But as most of us know life has a habit of punching us in the face when we least expect it.

Everything was fine until September this year when Poppy became very poorly one evening, we had no idea what it could possibly be so we took her to the vets and they diagnosed her with a 'non-life threatening' illness.
It was a shock but it was a 'liveable kind of shock', we knew it meant she might have to take medication for the rest of her life- but we could live with that as long as Poppy was happy, we were too.
So life seemed to carrying on, Poppy responded well to her tablets, it seemed like life was going okay again.

Unfortunately Poppy relapsed and I don't want to go into too much detail as it's still very painful to think about but this relapse led to our beautiful baby, Poppy passing away earlier this week.
I don't know what hurts the most, the fact she was so young and still had the rest of her life ahead of her or the fact that I would never see that beautiful, playful dog again. As clichĂ© as it sounds Poppy was more then just a dog, she was a best friend- someone who you could tell your worries to, someone who would never judge you and still loved you no matter what.
My whole family went into mourning, home doesn't feel like home without Poppy. Its had to believe that someone who entered so quickly into our home, left such a massive hole in our hearts when she left.
I know life 'goes on', I knew losing Poppy would hurt but I just didn't realise quite how much.


I know this post has been very sad but I feel I wanted to share what had happen this week.
As sad & upset as I have been this week, I have found some ways of helping myself to cope that might help some of you guys too if you're going through the same:
1. 'Its good to cry'-
When we lost Poppy I couldn't stop crying, once I'd started it seemed as if the floodgates had opened- but in a weird way by letting it out, it helped me to cope. It allowed me to grieve.
2. 'Talk to People'-
This may seem obvious but I know some people just allow their grief to build up inside them as they don't want to bother people, which is complete rubbish! People around you will want to help! Talking to my parents about Poppy really helped- we are all going though the same thing so why not help each other!
3. 'Remember the Good Times' -
I have found this one really helps! Talking to my Mum and Dad about the good times with Poppy really helped us to forget about how ill she was at the end. Although we will never forget, I would rather remember Poppy when she was being a happy, little monkey.
4. 'Allow Time to Mourn' -
Although the pain of losing someone whether it is a pet or a person never really goes away it does get better with time, although that person has gone- you still have your memories and no one can ever take them away from you!
5. 'It's Okay to Think Life's not Fair'-
Life has a habit of throwing the unexpected in our faces but you shouldn't feel guilty for wishing it would all to go away. The grief and pain of losing someone close is horrible but sadly it's part of life.
These are the 5 things that I have found really helped me this week, I hope that they will help you guys too although everyone deals with grief differently.
 If you have any different advice for grief then leave it in the comments- it may be helpful to myself or others.
Sorry for the depressing post today,
I'll see you guys next Sunday for another post.
Take care
X


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