FASHION. BEAUTY. LIFESTYLE. an indecisive girl's life

Friday, 6 April 2018

Am I Growing up?

Adulthood is a scary word, yes it's exciting the thought of what the future may hold but at the same time I can't help but think am I quite ready for it all? Lets face it, your entire childhood life is about building up skills, qualifications and experiences ready for that moment you have to go out into the big, wide world... 

I turn 21 this summer and quite frankly I still feel about 17 years old, I'm not sure I'm ready to become an official adult. Okay so maybe I am half way there already, after all I pay my own phone bill, I manage my own commitments, I'm the lead tennant for our student house, I have my driving license but am I quite ready? Uni to me makes you grow up, you have to learn to cook for yourself, wash your clothes yourself, budget as well as handling a social life and those all important deadlines. Sometimes it does feel like you're at the circus and you're the act juggling your life whilst people around you are waiting to see if you slip up. Life is hard. 

A few months back I even had to renew my own passport myself and let me tell you that was the first time I felt like an adult since passing my driving test 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong I'm excited for the future and I may be a little weird saying this but I can't wait to get my first full time job (hopefully at a magazine), it feels like I've been working my entire life to get to this point so now third's years just around the corner it feels like everything's falling into place. I saw a tweet yesterday which basically said "Ever feel like your life is falling together and falling apart at the same time" and honestly I have never related to something anymore in my life. Life does feel like it's falling together at the minute, I had a fab group of friends, my course is going well and even my social life is somewhat existent which really is a miracle in itself! But perhaps most important of all I feel the happiest I've felt in years, I don't know if it's because I'm growing up or what but even little things like my relationship with my parents has changed, we no longer argue about the stupid stuff. Then at the same time my life feels like it's falling apart, deadlines have me stressed even though they are a few months away, the amount of work I have to do gives me about 5 heart attacks a day, the internship hunt for summer is going about as flat as my job hunt and I'm worried about going into third year after summer. I'm scared and stressed about the workload, I know I'll have at least one breakdown a week and I don't want to think about life after uni quite just yet at least. 

So maybe I am taking that leap from childhood to adulthood, before you know it I'll be moving out permanently, settling down into this own life that I've created. I have friends who are already at this stage, they're moving out, having babies, getting engaged they're actual adults! Like they're not children anymore. Then there's me who still enjoys the chocolate milk you get after a bowl of coco pops and just a roundabout part time comedian when I'm not head down in my sketchbook. 

But I guess that's okay, I guess you don't always have to be conventional, because no offence to anyone but conventional can get very boring, very quickly. One thing I have never been is standard, one day I'll dress head to toe Clueless themed and the next I'll look about as far as you can get from a fashion student, yes I do own a pair of crocs and yes I do wear them with socks. I am ashamed. Take my music taste even, one minute I can be jamming out to Busted, the next a bit of Ella Eyre or Fifth Harmony, then maybe some Halsey or the Hunna before doing the full circle and listening to Dolly Parton... "working 9-5 what a way to make a living...". 

So yeh that's me a bit of a odd mix, or maybe just a bit odd to be honest. But I think I am about ready to admit I am becoming an adult. Okay so I'll probably still have those childish 'I'm not going' strops and you better believe it'll be a while before I stop playing pranks because my inner tomboy isn't going anyway anytime soon but maybe I am ready to enter what seems to be the mundane part of my life, adulthood. Or maybe it might just be my most exciting adventure yet... I'll guess you'll just have to stick around to find out.

See you Monday 



Monday, 2 April 2018

Clearly clueless

It has been a while since I last posted... life got hectic very quickly, suddenly I was drowning in presentation after presentation, I had a truck load of sketchbook work that needed attention and I really had no motivation to sit down & write. 

I've always said this blog has never been something I wanted to become a chore to do, writing to me feels like nothing else, it's like when I put my thoughts on the page everything honestly becomes clearer than it ever could in my head. With this blog fast approaching that what feels unreal 50K mark, I didn't want my content to not mean anything any more. I started this because I wanted to, because to me having this space made that huge dream of writing for The NY Times or magazines such as i-D or Dazed feel that bit more achievable. So when I suddenly felt uninspired by everything happening in my life the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and type. But I'm back. Still with that truck load of work trailing slowly behind me but feeling somewhat more 'me' and motivated for this place again. I'm going to say this now... I probably won't be back consistently but I think writing my thoughts on here might just save me in the stressful deadline months to come. 

I would say I'm 'Clearly Clueless' in a LOT of things, being 20 definitely doesn't make you not make mistakes believe me! Life let's face it needs a clueless reaction sometimes, after all we're only human, cheesy I know but it doesn't matter if you make mistakes what matters is how you overcome them. I am that friend who gets asked a lot for advice, obviously I give my opinion but I can't help but think 'I'm clueless in that why ask me?'. But today it dawned on me that just because you're clueless in something doesn't mean you don't have the right to say what you think, sometimes you need that clueless point of view for everything to properly make sense. 

Right before this Easter break we were given our scariest brief yet, perhaps one I've never been more clueless about... a report on 2 possible final year dissertation ideas and I'm internally screaming not going to lie. I don't feel ready for something that seems so serious, I'm clueless in what I want to do... suddenly that cap and gown day feels scarily close. Whilst to graduate and to hopefully work successfully in the magazine field is still my dream, it's frightening to think how fast it's approaching. I feel like I just want to press pause on the whole uni experience, I love the uni bubble more than I ever thought I possibly could, it really is like having the best of both worlds between home & uni. Yes there are times where I have to live off pesto pasta because thats about all I can afford and although I love my course it generally makes me question my sanity when I end up spending hours perfecting a sketchbook page or an indesign layout. But I wouldn't change a thing. Not the people, not the course, not the partying, not any of it, well maybe the debt but thats about all. Uni for me is that one place where I don't feel clueless, it feels like I have my little indecisive life somewhat slightly organised in a dysfunctional way. It makes me feel happy. 

So maybe I'm not as clueless as I first thought, maybe I shouldn't panic. Yes third term starts in 2 weeks and I know it'll be hella stressful... don't even get me started on third year. But at the end of it all I shouldn't be clueless, I've done the studying, I've attended almost all the lectures (it wasn't me it was the vodka lemonade) I am getting there, I know I am. I know what I want to achieve so guess you could argue I'm really not that clueless at all. Maybe a little unsure but right now it feels like the most clueless thing about me is my dress sense (yes that outfit above was entirely inspired by the film & Lissy Roddy's insta). There isn't anything clueless about that.

Stick around because I am getting my schedule back on track, so see you Friday for more clueless ramblings.


Images: All my own.

Friday, 9 March 2018

Something Blue

If you read my previous post you'll know that this last week was our colour film project, and it actually went really well. We did originally struggle with deciding on a concept because it's hard to go from being briefed to brainstorming to filming in the space of 3 days, but that's something as creative individuals we have to just learn to get good at. I wouldn't say idea generation is my strong point like I do get good ideas but I can't do them quickly for me it takes time, I also still struggle with the fear of sounding stupid which that statement alone sounds stupid. I think we all agreed that our concept wasn't the strongest, if we'd have had longer to do the task we'd go with a concept that we all really loved, but the main thing is that we've learnt a lot from this for our fashion film brief.
Time scale wise that wasn't possible to spend I long time on the idea, we had to work fast.

We came up with the concept of 'Something Blue' which is based around the idea of a wedding day, obviously it's seen as tradition to wear something blue for luck, as well as having something old and new. We thought it was a cute concept and one that would be quite simple to achieve but will hopefully be effective to see. However... umm filming didn't quite go to plan, it just didn't look how we wanted it to, the time we were filming outside meant that we struggled with the exposure brightness levels so everything just ended up looking really white. So we went back to the drawing board, quite literally. As a back up we had a stop motion idea of drawing out a wedding day from going into church to driving off as newly weds in the car. It was a fun idea to do, gave me chance to get back into drawing after a good year of barely doing any, in a way it showed me how much I missed it. Okay so it took a long time to do but we worked well as a team, pulled together and made sure that everyone had a role and input. 

It worked out so well and made our job of editing so much easier it's literally a case of putting all the pictures together and overlaying some music which we're hoping to do the Marry You by Bruno Mars, we're still undecided by whether to play the instrumental version or to have to actual lyrics in there, we'll try both and see what we think works best. Personally I absolutely loved this idea, I just think it's a really unusual way of doing a wedding themed video yet it's not cliché. As a group we decided we wanted to focus on the props associated with the day rather than the couple, just thought it was a different take on things and allowed us to appreciate props, which is good especially for when it comes to our Fashion Film.

I think this was a good learning week for us, it tested how we work as a team, let's us know who has what strengths and how best we work together, we made some mistakes but we also learnt from them. All that's left to do now is to finish editing and to show it in our film presentation, I can't wait to see it finished and see what other groups have been doing too. It should be really fun to see and will hopefully give us ideas for the next brief. 

See you Monday


Images: All my own

Monday, 5 March 2018

Colour Film

Firstly I know this is very late in the day to post, second it'll will probably be short because hey I'm a stressed FCP student with a workload deeper than the snow last week, and thirdly I think I'm probably about to start my favourite uni project yet... Colour Film!

Okay so it's stressful because it only a week long, in that time we need to brainstorm an idea, shoot the film on location, organise props/ models/ styling, edit and present our film for whatever colour we picked as a team. Luckily we got blue which has quite a few connotations with the previous trend forecasting work we did. Military, the Royals, the Navy, it was a good choice really even if I was a little unsure when we chose that one still I need to learn to not be so quick to judge because so far it's going okay. Yes it is currently day 1, ask me again on day 3 when its shoot time but still *breathe* it'll be totally fine, we've got this. 

I'm actually buzzing to start this work which leads onto our last project of second year, Fashion Film, yes I am absolutely in love my course right now, who needs boys when you have projects like this? Very scary that second year feels like it's whizzing by, I just want time to slow down for a while, I'm not sure I'm ready fo the stressful hell that is third year. Let alone that but I'm not sure I'm even remotely ready to leave the uni bubble- it's a scary, scary thought, uni really has been the BEST decision I ever made surely life after it can't get much better? Yes I have dreams/ ambitions but will I actually be able to make them become true? Nope this year's going too fast for my liking. 

Anyway... back to colour film, before coming to uni film in general was never something I'd explored or really properly tried, I did a little photoshoot film for the end of my Art Foundation but other than that and my YouTube this year it was never something I thought about doing. But WOW I actually can't believe how much I love it. Like I'd always thought a fashion journalist was the job for me but working on fashion film is just something else, it never feels like any effort to film & edit, it just feels natural. Don't get me wrong I'll love my blog and magazine writing but maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to narrow down my options. I guess this next semester will be the eye opener. 

Just a bit of a brain dump there, please allow it I just had to spend the past 2 hours putting about 100 images onto a word doc to print for tomorrow. *sighs* Still I do it because I love it, even if it does pain me a little to tear myself away from Peaky Blinders when I'm finally getting hooked on it! I am hoping to blog Friday too, not got anything scheduled for what it'll be yet, maybe I'll do a a little overview of our colour film, you watch I'll have probably changed my mind completely by then and will be ready to hibernate. Who knows?

Till Friday then.


Images: Taken from Pinterest.

Saturday, 3 March 2018

'Anti social' social club

My life revolves around the internet, sad but true. My social life, hobbies, to some extent even my uni course is based around whether or not I can connect to the wifi. Probably the first thing I do every morning is check my phone, snapchat, facebook, Instagram, twitter- it's almost like I have an obsession to see what I missed in the hours I was asleep. 

I love my phone. I love socials. Instagram is probably my favourite but I like them all. I love that sense of feeling in the loop even when I'm somewhere I probably wouldn't be in the loop otherwise. But it's scary how much of the day I obsess over it. Yes these things maybe happening in the world but are they happening in my world? No. And the sad reality is that revolving my life around what someone says on twitter or what they post on insta isn't going to affect me other then missing out on the times happening right in front of me. It doesn't matter if I don't see my favourite instagrammer's post the second they share it or it shouldn't anyway.

Living your life online is not living your life. 

I'm aware I'm more than just a bit addicted to the digital world, even when I don't need to I go on there for fun... my blog, my YouTube, my interests are all online which I'm not sure how I feel about. The internet is an amazing thing but it's kinda scary how being so socially active online can make you so socially unsocial- Where's the fun gone in talking to people? Just straight out conversations, there's no need to document every aspect of your life online... which is why I want to take breaks starting from now on. Not from blogging or YouTube and I don't think even if I really wanted to, I could switch off from the internet for an entire week or two, physically with a uni course that is so demanding with staying in the loop that just wouldn't be possible. By breaks I mean that I want to give myself a few hours a few times a week where I don't check my phone, hey there was life before the digital age. 

I just think it'll be refreshing. Every year when we go on holiday in the Summer that is basically my two weeks internet detox just because the places we travel to don't always have the best wifi or it's an
extra charge that isn't a necessity. When I go away I like to just completely switch off, unwind, laugh at things that are happening right in front of me rather than the other side of the world. People of a certain generation always say you can't live your life via a computer or phone screen and as annoying as it is to admit it, it's true. 

It's unhealthy for one thing. Recently on night outs I've stopped snapchatting the entire night just because I want to enjoy it more- I want to live the moment, okay so I don't mind snapping the odd
selfie or group pics but I'm not going to video record the night to share my night out with people who aren't even out. Everyone is guilty of a bit of bragging, social media couldn't provide a more perfect platform for doing so. I'm guilty of it. But really no one shares the shit stuff, they only share the endless holidays or night out pics, the stuff they want people to judge them on, the stuff that makes them look fun. But you can be having fun and not sharing it online, just because it isn't shared doesn't mean it isn't happening. 

On the whole I would say I'm not going to stop sharing my life online completely, after all social media is a vital part of my life and the career I want to have so I need them as sad as that may make me sound. But I want to stop being so self absorbed in it.

Is the internet making you socially unsocial?


Images: Pinterest


Monday, 26 February 2018

Doing it

So Thursday I did a thing... roller skating, which if you know me well by now- you'll know that I have no sense of balance what so ever so it's probably not the best activity in the world for me. 

Okay no surprise I was definitely no expert in fact I was a pretty terrible beginner, safe to say that the whole skating thing is something I'm not born to do.  Which is surprising especially considering this was not my first time and I grew up with my skateboard. I guess all along  knew I wasn't going to be a pro, but the whole reason I went was because it was fun and sometimes laughing at yourself & how
 bad you are at something is needed. Not only that but it helped me to overcome this massive fear I have of falling over on the skates (yes I did fall over but only once), my legs were shaking, my hands were a clammy mess and my heart was close to a heart attack many times. But I'm bloody proud I did it- I'd even go as far as saying I'd go again.

This whole post isn't going to be about roller skating, don't worry if that's not your cup of tea then I won't bore you all with that. The point of this post... yes Gemma get on with it... is that sometimes the things you fear the most don't actually turn out to be that bad. Roller skating was something I've done
many times before but the last time I went back home I fell over and it just really freaked me, from that moment on I'd basically said no not again and here I am a few years later a changed women. I think no amount of times I go this fear will be still be there but I want to squish it into a little ball of nothing rather than letting it take over me, at the end of the day 2018 was going to be year of me
saying you know what screw it even if I look a fool then I'm going to try it anyway.
Life's too short to not give things a shot. 

I don't know what's happening to me lately, I've pushed myself further out of my comfort zone already this year then I did the entire of 2017. First with the whole summer camp thing, now this, here's to a new me of saying yes! I have my first formative presentation of this semester on Friday and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than just a little bit nervous, it does get that little bit easier every time I do one but at the same time it doesn't. I think the more pressure I put on myself the more I fear failing, which is stupid because even if I did completely mess it up at the end of the day who cares? It's better to screw up and learn for next time then to not give it everything and risk not
looking interested at all.

We had a weird seminar last Thursday which basically involved us standing up the entire hour & half doing various bits of presenting- so really it was my idea of hell. No joke I could have probably ran out that room the second our lecturer started explaining the task but I didn't. Not only that but even though it doesn't count for anything I did my best presentation too! We had to speak for 30 seconds about something that we really loved, so naturally I did mine about Willow (my dog), it just amazed me how well I spoke about her, it didn't even feel like I was in a presentation, it just felt raw and from the heart- I even managed a smile which from someone who at the word 'presentation' her stomach flips is quite something.  I don't know even though it sounded pointless it felt incredible- I want that feeling in every presentation I do! I think I may have just found my lucky charm- Willow... it also opened my eyes up to the fact that if you know a lot about your topic then it makes it so much easier to speak about which is true! Obviously I know Willow beyond well (I love her to pieces), after all she's more than just a dog to me so talking about her really isn't hard at all. But I get it now, presentation prep is the best possible thing you can do. I want to be that person who can happily and easily give a presentation well without reading completely from cards and giving no eye contact or stumbling over my words. I have improved so well but I'm still not at the level I want to be- slowly but surely I'm getting there. Someday I will be fear free in all presentations! That's my main goal.

Let me know what fears you want to overcome in the comments below. Because hey don't worry about them, we can overcome them all together!


Images: Pinterest 

Friday, 23 February 2018

Flares Bandwagon

I have this quote on my wall which basically says "Never hate anything in fashion because in 2 years time you'll be wearing it" and honestly I felt that. For me I have never found anything more relatable to my style in well forever... 

When I heard flares were coming back into fashion I sighed a little, they weren't something I'd ever thought I could make work for me in a million years- I'm too short, too dumpy so of course they weren't going to suit me surely? Truth is I was hella wrong... Literally everywhere I looked, almost every person I saw celebrity or not seemed to have jumped on the flares bandwagon and I just couldn't get my head around why? So I bite the bullet finally and ordered myself a pair from PrettyLittleThing, they were only £12, they were petite so would hopefully fit my short self and if I really hated them then I could always send them back. 

Wow I couldn't have been more wrong...

I actually don't think I have ever felt so good in a pair of trousers before in my life! I'm generally not joking! They hug your body in all the right places and actually make you look like you've got a decent bum. Damn I think I'm in love. Normally when it comes to trousers or anything clothing wise I tend to go for the oversized fit style just because I don't hate my body but I just feel so exposed in anything fitted, I don't feel confident because I feel like all of my flaws are on display. So anything remotely bodycon style I avoid at all costs. But after ordering these flares I'm a changed woman! For the first time in my life I felt good, really good- yes my body is about as far from perfect as you can get but I have never felt more confident.

I'm not saying the flares trend is going to suit everyone body shape but if you really want to try it then I'd just say go for it. What have you got to lose?!? The worst thing that can happen will be they don't suit you, in which case you can just return them- no problemo at least you gave them a shot. 

I wore my black fares out with heeled boots and a black bandeau on Friday night and aside from feeling fab, it was the comfiest outfit I've ever gone out in- it felt like I was wearing pj's level of comfort. Although the worst thing happened on the way to the club... I tripped up and ripped them at the knee- cutting my knee in the process. It was a very sad moment in my life. First time out in them and I'd already ruined them, still I'm planning on ordering another pair to make up for it even if that extra £12 will dent my bank balance more than I wanted it too. 

A lot of shops have some great flares out there at the minute but two of my personal faves are these below:

I just think PrettyLittleThing are killing the flares game at the minute. The black ones I think I would wear both in the day and going out at night & the red striped pair are beyond perfect for a night out I've got coming up next month called Cirque- could they be more perfect? I think not! 

What are your thought on flares?

I think I may just be being more than just a little obsessed with them- order me like 10 pairs already because I think these will be a staple in my wardrobe in the upcoming months.


Images: Not my own.
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